Wife didn’t want me to see her naked

Dear Pastor,

My wife and I have been married for two years. We are both 23 years old. We began dating as teenagers. She did not like having the lights on when we were having sex. She always used to tell me to turn off the lights. I was the one who took her virginity. 

Her parents paid for us to go to a hotel for our honeymoon. By the time we got to the hotel, it was night. We made love and went to sleep. The following day we decided to stay in our room and order food. After we ate, we slept and then I tried to make love to her, but she resisted. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. She doesn’t want to have sex unless it is night, when I can’t look at her. 

I remember walking in on her in the bathroom and she shouted out as if someone had attacked her. I told her to shut up her mouth, and she threatened to call the police. I told her to go ahead. 

She behaved was if something was wrong with her, but nothing was wrong with her. I told her that I would be prepared to go to prison, so she should let the police come and arrest me. I dried her off, picked her up in my arms and put her on the bed. But she started resisting me again. I am ashamed to tell you what I did, except to say that I put her under pressure — it was like I was raping her. 

At the end of it, she called me a beast. I really behaved as a beast on that day, and I did not tell her that I was sorry. I did not even use protection, although we walked with condoms. I discharged in her. 

I thought that before we checked out of the hotel that I might have got her pregnant, but it didn’t happen. Since than, every day we had sex with the light on until she stopped telling me to turn it off . I even gave her ‘heads’ after we have settled down. 

She said that growing up, she was told that no man should see her nakedness apart from the doctor, so she felt ashamed to take off her clothes and for me to see her naked although I am her husband. Now, sometimes when we are alone at home she only wears her underwear. I admire the way she looks and I tell her so. 

I thought by now we would have had a child. I thought she got pregnant during our honeymoon, but I was wrong. She is anxious to get pregnant. 

F.

Dear F.,

Many years ago, I was at a conference in the United States of America. A gentleman was bragging about how holy he is and how he treats his wife with great respect. He went on to say that he had never seen his wife naked. All those who were in his company marvelled, because this man and his wife were married for a long time. 

One wonders how a man can be married for a long time and not seen his wife naked.  That is what the gentleman said. 

I remember getting a letter from a woman who told me that she has never seen her husband naked. She said that he would go to the bathroom, taking his clothes with him; and after having his shower, he would put them on. How could a couple deal with that? Do they not undress to have sex? 

This woman says that her husband would pull the sheet over him, pulled off his pajamas and have her come on him. I don’t care what anybody says, but something is wrong for a man to behave like that. 

I will go further to say that the human body is a beautiful creation by Almighty God Himself. And when a man and woman are married, they need not be ashamed of each other. Yes, I do understand that a woman may have some inhibitions, but she can overcome them after a while. That is one reason why premarital counselling is important. 

Why would a man be ashamed of his body? Something is not right. I don’t know what it is. The Bible speaks of a man enjoying his wife to the fullest. She, as his wife, ought to enjoy him. How could a couple enjoy each other if they keep their clothes on? I repeat, something is not right. I leave it there. 

Pastor