Husband left mebecause I got fat

Dear Pastor,

I am 34 and I feel miserable. Life has not been good to me. I was once married and I thought I had met the man who would be with me forever.

We got married six months after we met, but the marriage only lasted one year. When I told my minister that I was getting married, he asked me why so soon. I told him I loved this man and I loved what he was doing to me. My minister asked me if I meant sex and I told him yes. I made an appointment with my minister to take my then fiance to him. My minister asked my fiance why the rush in getting married. He said that I am in a hurry to get married, so he does not want to disappoint me. I was surprised at my fiance's answer because both of us wanted to get married; it was not a one-sided thing.

We got married on a Thursday evening with two witnesses. We did not have a reception. Our minister invited us to his house that Sunday for dinner, and that was it. But then things started to go downhill after six months. My husband told me that he no longer found me to be very attractive. I had put on weight. I was so comfortable, I stopped exercising and my husband told me that I was driving him to other women. I did not believe that my husband was serious, but he was. He spoke to our minister, and his wife told me to be careful; watch what I eat, and not take my husband for granted.

I knew when my husband started to cheat. I used to lay on the bed without any clothes on and he did not even touch me. I tried to cuddle him, but instead of him getting close to me, he started to snore. Then one day he told me that the marriage was not going to work and that he needed a divorce. I told my husband that he was crazy; he said he could introduce me to his new girlfriend. He said we could remain friends, but not lovers. This man served divorce papers on me. My lawyer told me that I could not stop it.

I got into another relationship that did not work, either. I am presently seeing another man, but sometimes I feel that I don't want to have anybody around me. I am not sure that I love this man. Is something wrong with me?

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Perhaps you need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. I cannot say whether the problems you are having are psychological or mental.

You rushed into a marriage soon after you became friendly with a man. Even your pastor wanted to know why you were in such a hurry to get married. After that, you put on a lot of weight. Your husband warned you, but you didn't care, so he divorced you, Then you got involved with another man, but that relationship didn't work either. I am here to tell you that if you are not careful, your present relationship will not work because you are not wise, and you have not learnt that a good relationship has to be nurtured. It is like putting water and fertiliser at the root of a plant. If you want that tree to do well, and to bear fruit, you have to nurture it.

So don't be foolish. Don't behave as if you don't care because, before you know it, you will be an old woman on the shelf, so to speak. You might move from man to man and end up being used by them. That's all I have to say to you. I wish you well.

Pastor