Leaving my worthless spouse for good

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with this man for nine and a half years, and I have finally decided to walk away after years of trying. I am independent, I own my own home, and I have a stable job.

In 2018, I purchased a 2002 seven-seater vehicle and placed it in the taxi business with the intention of us building something together. Unfortunately, he wasted time and showed no real commitment. Over the years, he cheated on me repeatedly with different women, including one woman who has always remained in the background. A few years ago, I reached my breaking point and ended the relationship. He begged me to take him back, and his mother also pleaded on his behalf. Against my better judgement, I gave him another chance with one clear ultimatum: if he betrayed me again, we would be done for good.

Despite the taxi being mine, he only operates it on Saturdays, and I receive very little from it. I continue to do everything on my own. Every discussion about money turns into an argument. He comes home expecting me to fulfil all the responsibilities of a woman, yet I receive no emotional, financial, or practical support in return. Over time, I became withdrawn because my needs were constantly ignored. There were many occasions when he left me stranded at night, forcing me to find my own way home or walk for nearly an hour, while he was out elsewhere without any concern for my safety.

Now he is suggesting that we get a newer vehicle and that I should drive the taxi until it is sold. I told him I am done, and reminded him of all the times I stood at taxi stands or walked home because transportation was unreliable. I eventually bought myself a personal vehicle, and instead of being supportive, he criticised me for not buying a newer one -- claiming he now feels "motivated" to work. I have since discovered that he is still cheating with the same woman. Instead of taking responsibility, he blames me, saying I neglected him and that he continued cheating with her "out of respect" for me, claiming desperation as his excuse. I made it clear to him that cheating is a choice. I have been desperate for years -- waiting for him to step up, to be a man, and to honour our relationship. Yet, despite my loneliness and disappointment, I never stepped outside the relationship.

He now wants me back, but I have told him repeatedly that it will never happen. I stayed far longer than I should have, and I refuse to betray myself any longer. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Please advise me.

X.S.

Dear X.S.,

You have explained your situation very well. You have tried your very best to keep this relationship, but this man does not have any respect for you.

He is not only a cheater, but a liar. You should have kicked him out of your life long ago. You tried, but there is this thing called love that took you back to him. He is a foolish man. He should have known that the "longest rope has an end".

It might be tough with you for a while, but you will learn how to live without him. Loneliness will not kill you. You have tried to help this man, but he should go. Take the vehicle that he uses as a taxi. He should be stripped of everything you have shared with him. You know from experience that there is no future with this good-for-nothing man. Don't shed a tear over this man.

I assure you of my prayers. May the good Lord bless and keep you. Please let me hear from you again.

Pastor